


Codex Files: Racain Mahariel

by summoner_yuna_of_besaid



Series: Dragon Age Codexes [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Blind Character, Blindness, Character of Color, Dalish Mage Origin, Dalish Origin, Disabled Character, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Queer Character of Color, Tamlen is Alive, Trans Character, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-04 05:16:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2953715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summoner_yuna_of_besaid/pseuds/summoner_yuna_of_besaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bunch of essays/writings on my warden, my headcanons, and assorted miscellany related to them and their relationships to other characters in Thedas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I.  Birth

**Author's Note:**

> This has been edited and rewritten to reflect my new headcanons about Racain.

Racain of Clan Sabrae

(nee Mahariel)

  I. _Family History_

To begin to understand Racain as a person, first we should delve into the politics that surrounded her birth.  Racain's mother, Sybil, was of a family group called the Mahariels.  These were not Dalish; they were city elves who left Denerim together looking for a new life.  Clan Lavellan found them and the Keeper gave them permission to join the clan.  

But it was a rocky union for the family.  City elves were always viewed with some suspicion and disdain from the Dalish; but there had never been such a big group of city elves joining at once.  It put most of the Dalish on edge, which of course translated into nervousness for the Mahariels as well.  

Sybil Mahariel became close friends with the Keeper of another Clan, Mahanon of Clan Sabrae.  Both clans were centered in Ferelden, and were often quite close to one another, so Sybil would sneak off to see him whenever she could.  But the Elders of the Dalish, the council of elves which unofficially governed the Clans as a whole, disapproved of the match.  Sybil's family was still very new to the Dalish, and she wasn't seen as good match-making material.  So, the two of them were forced to meet in secret.

It went well for four years, the last year of which Sybil became pregnant.  But during one of these outings the two were attacked by bandits.  They fought them off, but Sybil and the child were gravely injured.  Mahanon, terrified at the thought of losing them, used blood magic to save both mother and child.  The spell cost him his life.

This was the last straw for the Dalish.  When the events were uncovered, Mahanon's death and the choice to use blood magic was blamed upon the Mahariels.  They were seen as a disruptive influence, and while the Keeper refused to blame them, the family eventually chose to leave.  Sybil remained with the Dalish, but left Clan Lavellan to join Clan Sabrae, her lover's home.  

She remained long enough to give birth to the child, before leaving in the middle of the night, never to be seen again.

II. _Personality_

Racain was a creative and imaginative child from a young age.  A mage like her father, her magic became a vessel for her desire to create and mend.  She specialized in the healing and regenerative arts, preferring to heal others rather than harm them.  Spirits were vastly fond of her, and quite a few remained her friends through her childhood.

She grew up among Clan Sabrae, raised communally by the elders, and specifically watched over by a woman named Ashalle.  A friend of her father's, Ashalle became like a protective older sister for her.  The family treated her well, despite the circumstances of her birth and some superstition regarding it.  As she grew, her kind heart and gentle demeanor won over the staunchest of superstitious elves.

The child was born blind, but through the development of her talents discovered a strange effect of her magic.  Her eyes have a sheer glow, and she is capable of seeing the magic in the world.  Physical things are not visible, but enchanted items, spells, and the like have a special glow and color to them she can see.  By manipulating spells, she can spread this field of vision and use it to navigate the world in a unique way.  

Her compassion and love for others led her to develop a powerful wisdom beyond her years.  She could see things from the points of view of others, empathizing with them even when their actions hurt her.  There was no vengeful or angry bone in her body; save for when the injury inflicted is upon someone she loves.  With her desire to heal comes a desire to protect, and Racain is very protective of her people and her loved ones.

The loss of her parents, while it certainly harmed her, did little damage to her happiness or sense of self.  She grew up loved and cared for, surrounded by a large family, and most beloved was her fellow orphan and friend, Tamlen.  The two were inseperable, and over time grew to have deep feelings for one another.

While wary of strangers, Racain is not particularly disdainful towards humans, or any other race.  She has a healthy caution towards those she does not know, encouraged by her Dalish upbringing, but is quick to befriend others anyway.  Once she has warmed to you, she is a selfless and courageous friend.

She can be very quiet and introspective, preferring to listen than to speak.  This can cause issues when she internalizes darker thoughts and feelings, and struggles to share them.  Racain is great at caring for others but not as much for herself.  This lack of care for her own health and safety leads to problems when such hidden illnesses or injuries weaken her.

Politics and diplomacy are somewhat out of her league.  Working as a Grey Warden, she easily grows overwhelmed at the thought of the decisions and choices she must make; but she rises to the task, doing her best to work out what the correct decision might be.  She relies heavily upon the thoughts and opinions of her companions, listening to all sides of the story before making her choice.

Racain is the real world equivalent of a trans woman, uses she/her pronouns, is polyamorous, and pansexual/panromantic.

 


	2. II.  Clan Sabrae

III.   _Life Among the Clan_

The Dalish have a strict way of life.  They struggle to live, and to ensure they don't slip into extinction, they abide by rules that guide all aspects of their lives.  Every elf is subject to the leadership of the Elders, of their clan, and of all clans.  This is a system based upon respect and social interaction; there are no official "laws" or punitive measures like in human culture.   Clan members are expected to obey tradition in order to ensure the clan's continued survival.

Marriage is a political manevuer, rarely done solely for love.  To even be considered for marriage, said elf must prove their proficiency and usefulness to the clan through their own talents.  That may be proving you are a skilled hunter, or displaying your magical talents as a mage.  Once that has been done, the Elders will accept the elf as a candidate for marriage, and consider all the other candidates to find the match that would best suit them.

Matches are often from different clans, in order to ensure diversity among the Dalish.  Usually, these pairs spend time in both clans, though inevitably over time will come to favor one and live there.  This migration keeps the clans from stagnating, and is part of the reason that marriage is so carefully controlled by the elders.

Spiritual and political leaders are all mages, trained to use their magic to protect the clan.  While these people would not be on the front lines of battle, they are seen as the clans most powerful assets and are closely guarded.  They serve many purposes; the Keepers, leading and guiding the clan; healers, using magic to restore the injured; priests and priestesses, using magic to honor the gods; and enchanters, who evoke magic in the creation of tools for the clan.  Magic is seen as a gift and a responsibility for the clan.  It is not demonized like among human society, but it does place a burden upon the mage who is expected to dedicate their life and their magical talents to the survival of the clan and its people.

Clans across Thedas meet once ever 3 or 4 years, depending upon the capability of those involved.  The union of all the clans is difficult, often impeded by weather, human interference, illness, distance, and famine.  There is no set time or place for the union, but the Dalish do their best to ensure that they are reunited with one another for at least three weeks every five years.

IV. _Leaving Clan Sabrae_

For Racain, leaving the clan was heartbreaking.  Clan Sabrae was her home and her family, the only lifestyle she'd ever known.  Having no experience with interacting with humans, dwarves, qunari, or their cultures, Racain effectively lost everything familiar to her and was thrown promptly into deep water and made to swim.

The loss of Tamlen was especially tragic, being the love of her heart and her closest friend.  She blamed herself for his loss, in that she failed to get through to him about the danger and convince him to turn back.  The Clan mourned as well, not only for Tamlen but also for Racain.  For some, this terrible event was a continuation of the horrid story of the Mahariels twenty years before, and the supposed "curse" that had been placed upon the family.  Having lost so much, Racain began to wonder if the curse was real.

But while leaving was painful, joining the Wardens was a relief.  To Racain, the Wardens represented everything she had wanted out of life - to protect people, to help others, to serve a greater purpose.  Joining them was a bright redemptive light in a terribly dark place for her.  She became eternally grateful to Duncan and Alistair, and admired both greatly.


	3. III.  Saving Ferelden (General Overview)

V.   _Ostagar_

Fighting against wild beasts and bandits was nothing compared to what Racain saw at Ostagar.  Nothing could have prepared her for the warfare she saw there.  It was a greatly traumatic event, which served to emphasize the stakes involved in the Grey Warden's quest.  Racain knew the Darkspawn would not stop at Ostagar, and became determined not to allow such violence again.

It also served to draw her and Alistair very close, as she took comfort in the man, his knowledge of the larger world, and the shared experience of their loss.

VI.   _Lothering_

Racain enters Lothering downtrodden and terrified at the quest that had been set out for her.  While she was dead-set to see it through, she had no knowledge of how to do so.  The world was a much larger, more frightening place than she'd ever known.  Lothering was her first experience with a town and it was not a pleasant one.

From the start, Racain found herself stumbling through human culture and convention, stubbing toes and being attacked herself for her own straight-forward tongue.  It was disheartening to see these people she was trying to defend turning on her.  Alistair's steadfast support and Morrigan's complete disregard for the opinions of others towards herself gave Racain the help she needed.

Racain made the attempt to help everyone she could, but often through her own lack of experience and knowledge did not fare so well.  She did recruit Leliana and Sten, before leaving and heading north for Redcliffe.

VII.   _Redcliffe_

The first major stop for the team is Redcliffe Castle.  The group has already obtained Zevran by then, which puts them at six party members, plus a wolf named Faol (vailo-s).  Racain choose to take Alistair, Zevran, and Sten to the castle, fearful of bringing an apostate to such a location, and still somewhat unsure of Leliana's use in battle.  

The revelation of Alistair's origin goes a bit over Racain's head.  All that really registers is that Alistair just lost his brother, the King, at Ostagar.  But the concept of royalty and kings doesn't exist in Dalish culture, and the reverence and all other associations that come with it don't exist for her.  Alistair is quite relieved at her easy acceptance.

The issue of the attacking undead hits close to home for Racain - it's a direct threat of evil magic towards innocent people, which contains shades of Tamlen's fate.  Moved by the plight of the villagers, Racain went out of her way to ensure their survival.  Even if no promise of aid had been expected, Racain would not have been able to walk away from them.

In the castle, Racain took pity upon Jowan.  The Dalish have some disdain for blood magic, but not quite as vehemently as humans.  Racain pitied the man, knowing from the horror stories of her childhood what kind of life he must have had, and why he would have risked so much to escape the Tower.  She chose to let him free.

Later, in discovering Connor, Racain chose to use the blood ritual at Isolde's consent.  Alistair was furious, but Racain stood strong.  They could not attempt to leave and find help at the Circle; that would take too much time, and risk more lives the moment the sun set.  The only other option would be to kill Connor, which Isolde would not accept.  After a great deal of argument and discussion, it was decided to use the ritual.  Jowan sacrified Isolde's life to allow Racain to enter the fade, defeat the demon, and set Connor completely free.

VIII.   _Circle Tower_

Being so close to the Tower, the group moves to that location next.  On the way, they encounter a deeply ill but somehow still sentient Tamlen, who joins the party.  Racain takes Tamlen, Alistair, and Zevran, hoping that the mages at the Tower might know of some way to help her friend.

Upon discovering the state of the Tower, Racain quickly volunteers to search for survivors.  She is horrified by what she finds, unable to conceive of how such a tragedy could come to be.  How could anyone be driven to be so desperate as to use such magic?  Her horror and hatred of the Tower system grows the further into the Tower she goes.

Upon meeting Wynne, she insisted the older mage remain with the young ones to protect them, going ahead with her team alone.  She spares the blood mages she finds, unable to bring herself to kill them, but refusing to aid in their escape.  Upon finding the demon, she and the others are dragged under.

The dream the demon gives her is of the clan, all happy and healthy, including Tamlen.  She quickly clues into the falsehood; as a well-trained mage, such deceptions are easily thrown off.  She exerts all of her power to escape the dream and navigate the others, rescuing her friends single-handedly.  In having brought no other mages, for fear of their treatment, she is the only one capable of doing this.  The act costs her greatly, and by the end of it she is almost catatonic.  

The fight against Uldred goes quickly; the enraged elf tears him apart, using the last of her magic to exact revenge for all the lives lost in the tower.  The rarely-angered young woman is overcome by pain and anger at the situation before her.  Combined with exertion of before, she collapses, and is carried out of the Tower by Tamlen. 

She leaves in good standing with both Templars and Mages, despite having thrown a fit before both Greagoir and Irving about the state of the Tower and the rules of the Order.  Both are forced to admit there might be something to her words, and agree to lend not only Templars but some mages to the battle against the Darkspawn.

Wynne remains at the Tower, and the group moves on.

IX. _Dalish Camp_

Racain's knowledge of her people and their patterns leads her to easily discover the current location of the nearest one:  Clan Lavellan, in south-east Ferelden.  This clan has special ties to Racain and her family, being the clan that the Mahariels originally attempted to join.  Two members of that family still remain in the clan:  Thuleka and Seolta Lavellan, the children of Sybil Mahariel's sister, and Racain's cousins.  

Upon arrival, Racain is thrilled to be reunited with Thuleka, the elder sister.  But with the challenge of the werewolves, it's found that the younger brother, Seolta, has been lost in the woods for days.  Thuleka joins them in the search as they enter the woods.

Racain is compassionate towards all things and creatures, but this compassion is tested here.  Her love and devotion to the Dalish almost overwhelms her with anger towards the werewolves, especially given she is still in some ways dealing with what happened at the Tower.  The attacks upon the innocent here, in association with the Tower, are converging in her mind and causing more turmoil.  But she stops short of thoughtlessly attacking the wolves.  When she realizes they can speak for themselves, and their story appears to differ from Zathrian's she grows concerned and curious. 

The truth revealed makes her sympathetic to the wolves, and enraged at Zathrian, who had misused and abused his position as mage and Keeper to assumingly hold onto power.  As a mage and student of the Keeper once, Racain takes this offence very seriously - especially since the events had pulled her own family into the mix.  Seolta was taken by the wolves but not bitten, as they realized he was an elf, but not Dalish.  Having no vallasin, they saw him as an innocent bystander and simply locked him up to keep him out of the way.

Racain challenges Zathrian to a duel, and upon beating him, convinces him to undo the curse and allow the wolves to be free.

X.  Orzammar

XI. Haven

XII.  Denerim

XIII. Epilogue

 

 

 


	4. Relationships: Alistair Theirin

Alistair is the first human being that Racain regularly interacts with in her whole life.  The experience is a little jarring; she expected... well, she wasn't sure, but a goofy, fun loving, insecure and well meaning ex-templar was definitely not it.  The surprise throws her for a loop but she rolls with it, and finds herself quickly enamored with his silly sense of humor and lack of social graces.

While most humans judge and dismiss her immediately, Alistair tries to navigate his friendship with her with a combination of dealing with her solely as an individual, and remembering her identity as an elf and one of the Dalish.  When he's brave enough, he'll ask her about it, eventually growing comfortable enough to simple discuss the differences between their lives easily.  She is touched by the delicacy with which he navigates these scenarios, which makes her very forgiving when he does mess up.  It helps that he never has ill intent, and always apologizes and tries to do better.

They quickly form a bond based upon shared senses of humor, and loss.  They both are grieving for lost loved ones.  Humor as a coping device is normal for both of them, but among each other, they understand that the thin veneer hides deeper pain, and are capable of sharing that without completely digging up the grief.

Ostagar, as an event, pulls them very close together.  As a mage, Racain is used to fighting on the sidelines, being the support and defense of others, usually Tamlen.  Alistair easily slips into this combat role, unconsciously mirorring Racain's own techniques until they fight in the same way.  Racain acts as his compliment, supporting, defending, and healing him, while attacking with long-distant magic, while Alistair takes on the horde head on.  His protective stance towards her touches her deeply - only her family have ever protected her.  She quickly associates Alistair with that group despite having known him for only a short while.

In many ways, Alistair reminds Racain of the best aspects of Tamlen; his sense of humor, his kind heart, his daring and dedication to his friends.  But unlike Tamlen, Alistair isn't rash, stubborn, or easily angered, to the same extent. He's somewhat shy, which Racain is unused to in adults, as the Dalish, living in such tight closed quarters, become very shameless and close to one another.  Alistair's embarrassment about certain topics and things about himself doesn't quite make sense to her.  But she doesn't mistreat or disrespect him for it.

With the rest of the group, Racain tries to appear as the collected leader, never doubting or feeling weakness.  With her fellow Warden, these walls fall and she reveals how much the mission is getting to her, how much she misses Tamlen and her family.

There are rifts that come between them at times.  For all his openmindness and keenness to learn, Alistair is Andrastrian and comes from a templar background; he has his own biases and cultural context, as does Racain.  Where Racain finds the Andrastrian temperament towards mages abhorrent, Alistair sees it as somewhat misguided but ultimately true. Mages are dangerous and need to be controlled.  The problem is, Racain's existence goes against everything Alistair has been taught - here is an apostate who has never seen the inside of a Circle, who is the kindest and gentlest person Alistair has never met.

Racain has some wake up calls too, in the form of mages such as Uldred, and others.  Among the Dalish, mages are raised and instilled with such a sense of duty and devotion to the clan that the idea that a mage could be so foolish and selfish as to do what Uldred did is completely against everything Racain's ever been taught.  She can't fathom how a mage like that could exist.  She begins to see why human culture fears mages so, but is not convinced that the Circle is the answer to that - that, in fact, it may be feeding that fear in keeping mages isolated and vulnerable to abuse.

Another big difference is the view of blood magic.  For Andrastrians, it is completely vile and abhorrent and any blood mage is seen as a malificarum to be killed.  Among the Dalish, blood magic is a dangerous and powerful thing to be respected and used wisely.  Some of the more important rituals among the Dalish use blood magic in small doses; but it is rarely actively taught as a form of everyday magic.  It is stigmatized outside of the traditional uses, and seen as a threat that might pull demons or templars down upon them.

This difference in viewpoints leads to the argument between Alistair and Racain at Redcliffe, where Racain chooses to use blood magic to save Connor.  Alistair is completely against it - not just the idea of using blood magic, but the idea of killing someone innocent.  For Racain, the choice is a hard but necessary one.  The Dalish live difficult lives.  Sometimes, the ideal choice is not a possibility; difficult choices have to be made for the survival of the whole clan, and that can lead to sacrifices, even lost lives.  Racain has been in this position before; Alistair, having been in the Wardens for only six months, has not.  His idealism and ingrained hatred of blood magic keeps him from seeing it as an option, and when Racain actually chooses it, he is horrified.  The action makes him question and doubt his friend, unable to come to terms with the idea that she could justify blood magic and murder.

They make peace, and the problem is swept under the rug for a time.  But during Nature of the Beast, Alistair comes to understand why Racain made the decision she did.  During the battle with Zathrain, the Keeper reveals Racain's past and her father's use of blood magic to save her life in utero.  This fact is a secret Racain has tried desperately to keep from her new friends, afraid they will turn on her; instead, it brings them closer together.  Alistair respects Racain's choice to support Isolde dying to save her son, especially given the fact that it mirrors Mahanon Mahariel's choice to die to save his child twenty years ago.

 At some point, the silly jibes and jokes take on a different edge.  Something teasing and flirty sneaks into their conversations, unbeknowst to either of them.  Neither one had any experience with love or sex, and it took Zevran's prodding for them to realize how their relationship was changing.  Alistair found himself constantly going to Zevran for advice, not noticing the badly veiled jealousy the elf was trying to hide from both of them.  He happily brought the two together, ignoring the fact that he cared and desired for both himself; but eventually he too would join them (elaborated on in his chapter).

Over time, the nervousness and anxiety which had characterized their early relationship transforms into an easygoing and friendly companionship.  Their friendship only strengthened, and took on a new dynamic.  Their banter and inside jokes was so constant it was as if they spoke their own language.  Eventually, Racain altered her vallasin to reflect her new relationship, a fact which touched Alistair deeply.  Both of them desire greatly for a sense of family and belonging; Racain, to regain what she lost by leaving the clan, Alistair, to find what he never had.  Together, they create a new family for themselves, which they become the heart of, and comes to encompass all their companions in some way.  

At the Landsmeet, Racain makes Anora Queen, going against Eamon's meddling in order to do both what she thought was best, and to make Alistair happy.  The man, who had been preparing himself to accept the unwanted burden, was immensely relieved to be free of it, and overjoyed to know that Racain made the choice in part so they could remain together.  They stay with the Grey Wardens in Amaranthine until the time of the Breach, when they join Skyhold.


End file.
